[Helpers] How can I come in?

[Mystress Angelique Serpent]

   I am very frustrated with you, Sandra.

At 09:39 AM 2/13/2006, Sandra Davis wrote:
>Hello Mystress, No! I'm not done with that - not even started from when
>I last wrote! I've been moving, for the most part without a private PC
>hookup or PC connection, since the last time I wrote. After I last did
>anything, you sent emails saying there were new files put into the FTP,
>then all the renaming started, ... Busy people! If I'm not following
>the discussion thread so far, my apologies.

   You are not following, you seem to be not checking the past emails 
either, even though you told me you had reread the archives from the 
beginning before getting started again. I'll lay it out for you. Again.

   You agreed to edit the pop up links files,  and find replacements or 
archive lost links for the library, and save the content. You were started 
on that job months ago, and you were on track with it, in August. You can 
find your emails on the topic from that time, in the archives. Here is a 
snippet of one of them:

At 01:39 PM 8/14/2005, you wrote:
>Link report follows for Lessons 5, 6, 7, 8, & 9
>
>Sandra D

   Below,  is a snippet of your post from the beginning of august, quoting 
my post from before the end of July, when I gave you instructions and told 
you where to find the correct popup link files to be edited.  You responded 
confirming your understanding and telling me where you were archiving the 
library files of the lost links:

>At 09:14 PM 1/8/2006, you wrote:
>Hello Mystress,
>
> > The off-site links popups are here ready to be edited.
> > http://www.fire-serpent.org/fscnew/tantra/poplink/
>
>On this one:
>http://www.fire-serpent.org/fscnew/tantra/poplink/25introk_p.html, the
>3rd link down is defunct - Spiritweb Diary of Awareness, Kundalini and
>Life, by Roger Hamstra. I was able to nab a copy of it, which leads me
>to ask about the library option.

   For some reason when you re-started last month you forgot all of that, 
and instead of looking at your own and archived past emails you wrote to me 
privately with a lot of questions. I told you to stop with the attention 
getting behavior, and look in the archives to figure it out.

  Despite telling me you had done so: re-read the old archives to catch up, 
instead  you went back to the old FSClinks page, updating it, and emailed 
me with a lot of questions about it, and other questions that made no sense 
about the popups.  Passive aggression for not getting the attention you 
wanted the first time you asked.

  I spent hours responding and I chastised you for attention getting 
behavior again, distracting me about a file that would be abandoned in the 
new site, and asked you to just do what I asked, what you agreed to do.

    You were not doing that, you were editing popup link files in the wrong 
folder.
   You went to
   http://www.fire-serpent.org/fscnew/links  instead of the location I gave 
you, the files you were working on in August.

   This confused me because the files in the /links/ folder are really old 
versions, and I was sure I had provided you with the correct files 
originally. In fact I had.  Just to be sure I re-uploaded the correct files 
into
http://www.fire-serpent.org/fscnew/poplink

    Now you email complaining of having nothing to do, after so very 
recently agreeing to do what I asked you to do and nothing else.  Do you 
really forget promises so readily?

   As of Sachiko's latest update, the correct, renamed pop up files are in
http://www.fire-serpent.org/fscnew/current/tantra/poplink

>Somewhere along the way I
>got the impression the popuplinks were done. Sorry for my confusion. I
>keep seeing references to them being done. Must mean some other kind of
>done.

   They are created, and now they are renamed. They are not edited. That 
was your niche. Your job, what I need you to do, what you agreed to do, the 
job you started doing in August.

   Sandra, you are a passive aggressive monster.  I say that with kindness, 
an opportunity for you to look at your shadow. You create errors, 
confusion, accidents, forgetfullness and drama in order to get attention, 
to feed on the energy of attention vampiric and it is frustrating and 
exhausting to the people around you.  You are an intelligent woman, an 
engineer, right? There is no excuse for these stupid mistakes.

   What I wrote to you before when I had to smack you is still completely true:

>    It is, unfortunately quite natural that the karmic issues of volunteers
>manifest when they do work for me.  The conscious mind wants to be a
>helper, and the unconscious wants to be helped.  Guess which one wins?  It
>is one reason why I mostly gave up on volunteers before, too many of them
>would take a lot of my attention but end up not getting much done.
>      Well, I won't go into that... but I am feeling deja-vu!

   I am a Shaktipat Master. My energy follows my attention, and my past 
experience of some volunteers is that they unconsciously realize that the 
more they mess up, the more Shakti & attention they get when I have to be 
always posting to correct them. Really childish.

   They get more Shakti by being difficult, and often never did get the 
work done! I'd spend more time trying to get them to do the work, and often 
a lot more energy than it would have taken to do the work myself...

   For example, like with Earthangel updating the chat schedule... all 
questions, confusion and diversions, then personal emotional stuff because 
the extra Shakti from the attention she was getting from going off track, 
was overloading her... and she never did actually give me a chat schedule I 
could use! I spent hours writing to her over a 1/2 hour job!  Got burnt 
again, with a passive-aggressive volunteer.

   So, with a few cherished exceptions like Hillary and Richard, I gave up 
asking for help. Sachiko and Gustaf are doing what I ask and need with no 
fuss or drama. Hillary completed a similar but much larger job of all the 
Kundalini-gateway.org links pages, including the Library files,  in the 
past few weeks! They invalidate my past negative experiences of volunteers, 
and I am very grateful to them.  You reinforce my past experience.

   You want my energy more than you want to actually help me, so you create 
all this bullshit confusion to get more attention. The kind of side tracks, 
errors and procrastination, forgetfulness you have been doing is classic, 
textbook passive aggressive vampire behavior. Do a google, look it up!

   Now today, you say you "forgot" what you agreed to do and post asking 
for work, with some lame excuse about thinking what I asked, and you agreed 
to do is already done, (it is not done because you have not done it!)

  Why? Because you are jealous that Sachiko (who really *is* doing what I 
asked her to do- quickly and efficiently!) is getting attention and you are 
not.

   Yes, it is my intention to reward Helpers with Shaktipat and 
attention... that is what the last helpers chat was for! Giving energy and 
attention as a thank-you party, is not at all the same as having it stolen 
with passive-aggressive behavior.

   I don't believe you are going to hear me. Passive aggression is by 
nature unconscious, and in my experience, pointing passive aggressive 
behavior out, to passive aggressive people is a losing game because they 
just seek more attention through denial and emotional drama of playing victim.

   In a previous post I mentioned I was partly reacting to unfinished stuff 
from previous interactions with you... all of the same nature, my 
frustration with your  attention seeking behavior disrupting my work.

   I was going to send it privately but I think it is better to post it, so 
that other helpers can also give you feedback about their observations of 
you. I'm worn out with it, I don't have any more time or attention for 
this. Perhaps they do.

>   Ack. I put off writing this because it is difficult. I'll just be direct.
>
>   A few times you have come into a chat class, and it appears to me that 
> you have little interest in the class, you are just there to get 
> attention to whatever personal problem is on your mind.  It is hard 
> enough to keep you focused on topic sometimes, I cannot count how many 
> times I have had to remind you to stay focused... but since you've had a 
> free pass as a helper it's been worse.
>
>  One that sticks in my mind is a Karma vampire class last October where 
> you kept interrupting every few minutes, complaining about a spot of 
> eczema on your finger.  You had done the class before, others had not and 
> I was trying to lead them down the learning curve.
>
>    You did not seem to care about that, or about anything but your finger 
> and it was like you were trying to make it into the "All about Sandra's 
> finger" class.  I tried to gently discourage you several times, but you 
> were persistent, and deaf to my hints.
>
>   I did not want to further disrupt the energy by telling you to shut up 
> about your finger. I was tempted to just silently boot you out of the 
> chatroom!!   Instead I gave in, and we spent 20 minutes dealing with your 
> finger before continuing the class.
>
>   It was not fair to me or to the other students. Challenging enough for 
> me to hold several people in my mind to follow and direct their 
> experience, but with that kind of disruption ... one person trying to 
> change the direction to suit their own needs... it becomes very fatiguing 
> and I get frustrated.
>
>   I really like you, Sandra. I don't want to be whacking you but this is 
> your  pattern that cannot continue.  I have no idea how it affects the 
> rest of your life, but I bet it is messy.
>
>   You are welcome to continue to come to the chat classes, but please, 
> only if you are there to focus on the class,  and not just to get 
> attention to whatever is your personal needs of the moment. That is what 
> the Tea room is for, and the free-for all chat parties I host periodically.
>
>