[Helpers] Comedy of errors.

Sat Jan 21 17:28:40 PST 2006

    Please be entertained by my comedy ranting.

   I'm having a day... no, it has been more like... sigh.

   Gustaf has graciously agreed to remaster my FSt vids. Yay!!

  I have the original DV tapes of the content but I don't want to risk 
shipping them to Europe... so I have to convert them to DVD disc to 
ship.  My friend Brian tells me my computer is not smart enough to edit DV 
tapes.
   I call around and locate someone who will convert them for $200... but I 
am really going to need to be able to do it myself for the long term, as I 
plan to make a lot more videos. I decide to look for another solution.

   I wander into Office Depot one day last October, and tell the nice man 
what I want to do. He tells me my computer is smart enough for newer tech, 
and sells me a firewire card, a Mad dog DVD-CD writer and a whack of blank 
DVD-r discs. My current CD writer was taking 25-40 minutes to burn an FST 
CD so it seems a good idea to upgrade.  My druid's computer is way stupider 
than mine (Linux needs less stuff than "We are Microsoft -You Will be 
Assimilated")  and his computer can burn the same CD in 7 minutes.

   I get home, hubby does the installation. Yay druid!
   I'm busy focused on other things, and Brian cannot lend me his digital 
video camera for a few weeks, then a few more weeks, so I postpone 
installing the software. December comes, Brian is done making rock videos 
for his band, lends me his camera and I go looking for the CD and manuals.

    It appears a trial housekeeper has thrown out the software, manuals, 
warranty cards etc. for the card and the writer, when she disposed of the 
boxes.  I usually keep the packaging around for a few months after buying 
new electronics, just in case it turns out to be fooked or not right so I 
must have been out of body when she asked...  That housekeeper also did not 
know that you are not supposed to wash black stuff and white stuff together 
and had freaked out crying and fled the house when she discovered my white 
satin bra is now grey zebra... I did not blame her because I am where the 
buck stops and I might have known better than to let her do my laundry 
unsupervised. My laundry is challenging, lots of silk and leather, antique 
fabrics and other delicate stuff. She is not the first housekeeper to 
create destruction in my wardrobe and I have learned to be philosophical 
about the losses.

   Finding a housekeeper who can handle cleaning a high vibration space 
without going strange is difficult, and can be hazardous to mind and 
property... fortunately my old housekeeper came back, yay! She had to quit 
because the school threw out her difficult child and she had to homeschool 
him. Then she moved to the other side of the street, from Surrey to Delta 
and the Delta school welcomed him, to her great relief and mine. Delta is 
way cooler than Surrey. People don't park dead cars on the lawn. Even the 
water is better.

   I call Office Depot, ask them what software was supposed to come with 
that writer... Nero 6. I contact the Nero people and they tell me that they 
need proof of purchase, to replace the software. I cannot find the receipt, 
either... I call the store and discover they don't keep records that far 
back. I'm fooked.

   druid saves the day, one of his fishing buddies has a copy he has 
uninstalled and doesn't use anymore and gives it to me, with the reg 
number. I install it glady, and capture one DV tape of FST vids to my hard 
drive.. takes 6 hours and a whopping 15gigs!!  Holy cow I am running out of 
space.

   (Why does XP insist on writing a second copy of the data to a temp 
folder on C-drive instead of just writing directly to CD-R from another 
drive, like win98 used to? Whose dumb idea was that? Somebody smack 'em 
upside the head for me.)

   It won't edit either so I capture again, slicing it into 4g bits as I 
go. Doesn't seem right.. an 80 minute DV tape should fit onto an 80 minute 
DV disc?? What up with that?

    I research conversion after I discover Nero 6 doesn't write DVD 
videos!!!! What the hell? I told the guy in the store what I wanted to do, 
and he sold me something that won't fricking do it? OY!! Too late now, no 
receipts or boxes or any hope of taking it back.

    Nero 7 does, and it is $80. USD at the website. Oh you sneaky 
boogerheads, giving the old version with the new hardware and forcing 
people to upgrade.  Nuts to you! I get a shiny new, still-sealed-in-the-box 
copy on ebay for $48.usd, and the seller is a local guy so I drive over to 
pick it up. I get it home and install it... and test it by burning a data 
DVD of my websites. Takes just over 2 hours. Hmm, seems kind of slow...

     I look in the Nero 7 manual and discover guess what, my computer is 
not smart enough... 800mh pentium three is ok for data and some things but 
not good enough to write DVD video, it wants a 1.3g chip. Brian was right, 
and I am fooked.

  My geeky druid tells me it will be fine, just slow. I test it again 
burning a bunch of music mpgs from my hard drive, making room for the FST 
stuff.  Slow is an understatement. Takes 9 hours and I have to move a bunch 
of stuff around on my c-drive and delete the captured FST tape to have room 
to do it! While it is working I cannot use the computer for anything else.
   The resulting DVD will only play on the DVD burner, not on the DVD 
player on the TV, or the other CD/DVD reader on my computer. Uh-oh.

   Last night, I try the direct capture to DVD... not a chance. Did not 
think so, but I had to try!

   I wish for a simpler solution. druid tells me there is a standalone unit 
that just converts  DV tape to DVD disc, and I can probably get it for just 
over $100.
   I go into Future Shop and ask 4 different salespeople about such a 
thing, they tell me it does not exist. One of them tells me it is a great 
idea, I should patent it and make a lot of money. I look at him in 
disbelief... because it is impossible such a simple thing, where you plug 
in the DV tape and the blank DVD-r and press a button and it converts and 
writes the DVD could not already exist.  The person who invented the 
standalone printer for digital cameras surely thought of it.

   druid goes online and finds several, @ $300.+
   We decide that Future shop is fooked.

   I cannot affoard to have my computer in the shop for a week of lost 
work. My last several months effort at paying off my credit cards is going 
to get a setback. Tomorrow I have a professional geek from Geek Patrol 
coming over to look at my computer, discover whether it is slow because it 
is fooked, or just stupid, and tell me what it will take to make my 
computer get smart enough to turn DV tapes into DVD discs.
    I expect a new chip and motherboard, at the least, and hope my 512mb of 
RAM will fit the new board... but I wouldn't lay any bets.
   I contemplate last years purchase of 80g hard drive... and how I wanted 
a bigger one but my present motherboard was not smart enough...  I think I 
will spend today backing up C & E drives onto DVD data disks to be able to 
get a bigger drive for them... which means re-installing everything. Hmm... 
yikes. Maybe not!! Maybe replace D& F drive instead.

   I hope I get a good geek, one that is smarter than salespeople at Office 
Depot or Futureshop. Maybe he can even get the USB for my digital camera to 
work so I am not always asking druid to download my pix for me. The guys 
who had my computer for a week last year to install the new hard drive 
couldn't... and their bizarre installation of winxp asks to be activated 
every time I reboot.

   The good thing is that one of my favourite Tantra partners (codenamed 
"the Bull") is coming over tomorrow to fook my brains out... because after 
all this, I think I need to defrag my wetware!!  (brain)

          --------------------------------------------------------

    There is a delightful movie about sexuality and repression called 
"Sirens."  It is set in Australia, about an artist who lives with his wife 
and young models, and a preacher who comes to discourage his sinful ways. 
There is a scene in a bar with an crazy old man, all he ever says is "get 
fooked" in a normal voice, and he says it to everyone. Men, women, 
children... "get fooked. Yooou get fooked. You get fooked too." It was 
funny, and it stuck in our vocabulary.

      -----------------------------------------------------------

   Well, at least now I have a plan for my evening:

   1. start making a DVD of d-drive.
   2. sex with druid.
   3. Get dressed up.
   4. inner with druid, Boathouse restaurant special:  steak and lobster 
thermidor yum!
   5. Start making another DVD of D-drive... and another, etc.